Posted By Katie on October 7, 2011
First off, I would like to say that my school newspaper is finally online! The staff at The Revolution is so excited and well, quite frankly giddy about it. One of our archived posts actually got a comment already, a nasty one, but still! That same post also got 87+ views! We also put out our first edition of the year today! Very exciting, here is The Revolution. Check it out! Leave comments!
So today I have a guest post from an anonymous girl, she’s super smart, she’s sweet, she’s even outgoing. A great thing to learn from her is that just because someone tells you they deal with something (or are something i.e. gay) you don’t know or understand, doesn’t mean you should make fun of them or think there’s something wrong with them. Hear them out, start with her story:
I’m a person who can be read like an open book. I don’t like to keep secrets, not from friends, not from my family, and certainly not the world. I pride myself on being very open with people. I do my best to show the real me. By doing so I make myself vulnerable and it hurts deeply when I expose my true self for them to see and they take the time to cut me down.
When I was in elementary school I was bullied constantly. A group of girls hated me one day, liked me the next, and then went back to hating me. They kept me around as a friend just to pick on me, and because my self esteem was so low at that point I allowed it. “Anything is better than being alone at recess,” my child mind reasoned. Well after three years of consistent bullying I began suffering even more.
It was in fifth grade I had my first panic attack and now I know why. I’ve read studies saying that students who experience bullying are prone to be more anxious adults. Awesome. Not only did these girls torture me then but now they’ve made themselves present in the rest of my life.
As a teenager I continue to have panic attacks and being in social situations makes me anxious and paranoid. When I become close to a person, as a friend, the anxiety kicks in. “Do they really like me?”, “Do they talk about me behind my back?”, my mind wonders. Because of my anxiety I’m always on high alert.
It’s hard to describe what its like going through child hood and adolescence with anxiety and I’m still learning what my limits are.
I’m always uncomfortable in social situations, if I have a C in a class I will have a panic attack, and sometimes I just feel crazy. The worst part out of all of it is when I tell people and they’re not accepting.
I told a Christian friend, Christian to Christian, about my panic disorder. Her response “You’re letting Satan take hold of your life. You’re not trusting God enough,”. Really? Panic disorders are not controlled by faith, because she was too ignorant to know that I pray during my panic attacks. If you’ve ever had a panic attack you understand that it is not controllable, you cannot talk yourself out of one. Panic attacks are more physical reactions, and once they’re set in motion they are like a runaway train, you just have to ride them out.
Other friends brush off what I’m saying as if it isn’t real. Some have suggested that I go on medication.
High school is hard enough without people’s judgement and if you don’t know anything about what I’m going through then don’t put your input in. I’m not ashamed to say “I have panic attacks” (and I frequently do). What these “friends” should be smart enough to know is I maintain a 4.0 in honors classes with my panic disorder. So before you judge what my life is like take a look at what I have done. I’m a testament to the fact that any obstacle God has put in your path can be overcome.